- Key info: So I realized I was kinda just using John Oliver's show as it's own paragraph and even though I was citing it I didn't really like that, so I decided to change it and reiterate how everything Oliver said relates to Trumps sociopathy. I think that's better. Also, I kept the part about the sociopath that I knew and I made it more detailed and personal to show the effects and my hatred for Trump. Normally I wouldn't do this but Sean said it would be good if I did so I did.
- Weaknesses: Okay I know it doesn't have an intro/conclusion. Just focus on the content for now. Also I know the tone is a little informal. Like I said, it's still basically a pile of crap.
- Strengths: Like I also said, it's a pile of crap that's getting there so I think my content is cool. Although the "my life" part is a little more personal now (Sean told me to so ollyollyoxenfree) I think it's pretty fire.
Okay. Be gentle, I am but a sensitive butterfly.
I’m unsure what your project 3 is supposed to do besides provide a platform for you to speak about your disgust towards Trump. I know you said you don’t have an intro, so that could possibly explain why. Not a huge deal. However, without that intro, I see your argument as more of an attack because there isn’t an explanation for the body. If your argument is about the presidency, and that he isn’t fit to lead, I would suggest providing an alternative and why that alternative is better. He’s bad because xyz, and this person is better because of xyz.”
ReplyDeleteNow the argument.
Everyone displays sociopathic behavior, but it’s not all bad. I’d say clarify that there are two sides to every story. To clarify the sociopathic behavior, for example, you’re trying to argue a point by manipulating me into believing in your idea. Good, bad, or indifferent, it’s still manipulation. Ghandi, Elon Musk, Hillary Clinton…All display sociopathic behavior. The world functions because of it. There are articles about the world's leading CEOs being sociopaths, presidents included. I think you’d gain more credibility by arguing that it’s also good in some aspects. It’s a tricky subject and, in my opinion, isn’t black and white.
Just a thought…
You have a good premise for your work I think, however I think you need more sources than you have so far, because it only seems like the Colbert report is your only source, it may help to have other sources backing up your argument more solidly. Along with that your argument is extremely biased, and unlikely to be taken seriously without proper sourcing, that and some general editing to make the paper more sensible.
ReplyDeleteI think by the time you have revised you'll have a pretty good work, good luck!